The story of how Lisa got what she asked for and realised how that's not always the best thing for her

"...but there's a part of me that is getting restless to go somewhere alone. It's exhausting trying to speak French all the time and plus I think there's a different experience to absorbing the essence of somewhere beautiful with a group of people and on your own. And part of me just wants to go spend the day walking around the town with my own thoughts without worrying about being an imposition or rude to anyone I'm with." [Exert from previous post]

The very next day I got what I had asked for: Alone in Marseille. Worst plan ever.

The day started off brilliantly *cough cough* with my alarm not working and a knock on my door at 7:30am. 
"Liiiizzaaa! :) (in french) Are you ready to go?" 
"Ughghhhh um, yes! Five minutes?" 
*arrrrghpullonclothesrunbrushthroughhairmakeupteethshovecrapinpockets-RUNOUTSIDEBOOTSONINCAR!PHEW* with no time for a coffee and having had a late night the night before I was half alseep in the freezing car with pale sunlight blurring my tired eyes as Chantal drove me into Marseille where she works. 8am-12pm to kill in Marseille, sounded good to me. All I really wanted was a coffee, to admire the little French buildings and find somewhere nice to sit and read my book and enjoy being alone somewhere pretty...instead Marseille before it's properly light is terrifying. I couldn't even bring myself to pull out my ipod to sneak a photo of the place to show you guys because I was too scared, it felt like a bad neighbourhood in New York or somewhere. All shops closed, spray paint, steam that seemed to originate from nowhere, creepy people that walk around coughing and dim cold early morning sunlight. I didn't stop walking for 2 hours just because I was too scared to stop. The one place I did step into, considering fumbling through some French to order a much desired coffee, was clearly host to a very impatient French woman who clicked impatiently at me "Mademoseille???" I gushed an apology and said I didn't need anything then went back out into the noisy cold street and kept walking. 


At one point I actually just stepped into a calm quiet pharmacy and stood pretending to look at a line of cold and flu medicine while I took a breath a just enjoyed the calming soft christmas music and warmth. But I couldn't stay there, and eventually I drew a breath and stepped back out into the noisy street and kept going (by now I was faaaairly certain I was walking the correct way). After 10 minutes tramping along the busy street, with the frequent creepy stares from a lot of strangers (Trust me, the word "Bonjour" can be said very creepily when men say it and look at you like a panting dog *shudder*) I started getting a slightly eerie sensation I was being followed. So I decided to stop for no apparent reason and look inside yet ANOTHER pharmacy (I don't know why, but over here there are Pastry shops and Pharmacies EVERYWHERE. I'm not sure why. Maybe everyone guzzels down the pastries over here then need to be heavily medicated to save their struggling hearts, who knows) And, sure enough, as I suddenly stopped walking the guy next to me hesitated and stopped as well, finding it hard to make this look natural. 
Him: "Uh excuse me, but do you speak English?"
*Me cautiously*: "...Oui"
Him: "Oh good! Could I walk with you for a minute?"
Me <thinking, it's a busy street, I'm not carrying a bag, maybe he just needs directions in English>: "I guess. But I'm meeting a friend here in a minute (total lie), did you need help with something?"
Him: "No. I just saw you walking by earlier and thought maybe I could walk with you."
Me: "Oh. ...(awesome O.o)"
Ugh...dammit... we kept walking and he asked about uni etc. Recognising this as a dangerous and stupid situation I had gotten myself into, I was giving the vaguest most unhelpful replies wondering how to shake him and eventually just said I had to go meet my friend and I kind of wanted to go alone (smooth) so he left without an argument (thank god), just an awkward moment of "So you want me to leave?" "Um, yes, sorry, I don't mean to be rude, I just kind of want to get a coffee alone before I meet my friend here." "So I should leave?" "...I'm sorry, yeah." "Now?" "...Uh...yeah...again...sorry"


Anyway so I did find a cute market and saw a lovely church but still I was too nervous to order a coffee anywhere and everywhere was too busy and scary for me to feel like I could relax and just enjoy looking at everything. I'm not exaggerating when I say everyone here stares at you, it's creepy as all hell and really unsettling. I kept walking. Non-stop. I was starting to get blisters and my legs were tired and all I wanted was a coffee. I eventually ducked into a big shopping complex and wandered around in there, out of the noise, glad it had opened. I found a quiet little cafe in there and breathily flustered my way through an order for a coffee and a crepe. I have no idea where I was or who the man was who worked there but I will never ever forget him. His patience with my nervous French and warm smile at a time when I was feeling tired, scared and alien-like, having a bad morning, was a life-line and meant more to me than he probably realised. He smiled and nodded at my order, speaking slowly for me, gave a wink and let me sit and recouperate in the little cafe. I spent the rest of the morning sitting there with a coffee and nutella waffle reading my book. I left feeling a lot more happy and settled :) Here's what I wrote while I sat there...

How to get your soul back in two easy steps

"Marseille is freaking scary. I've been walking for two hours just because I'm too scared to stop. I've had three men try to walk and talk with me. Everything looks closed, vandelised and/or dangerous. I've been dying for a coffee four hours but have been too nervous to try to get one anywhere. The only place I went into the woman was cranky and impatient. I took refuge in a random pharmacy just to step out of the cold and fear and now, after walking nonstop, I've hidden in a shopping center and finally found a sweet cafe. The guy here is extremely kind. :) I'm so relieved. I'm hiding here as long as a I can. I can finally have a coffee too!"

I then found a gorgeous set of Christmas markets, it seems that once the city wakes up, it's quite pretty and less terrifying. I found a stall with sweet little paintings of Marseille and bought one and a stall with the most amazing organic tea filled with stunning aromas. I spent a good 20 minutes or so just standing there smelling them all chattering in French with the happy woman who was selling them and another man who was also trying to pick which tea he wanted. The lady ended up gifting me a free bag because she was so happy I liked her tea so much and gave me a cup to carry around with me while I looked at the markets. I have to say, even though the city was kind of terrifying, it really makes those little moments stand out and mean a lot to you when people show random acts of kindness.


I then promptly got lost and late on my way back to meet Chantal and was relieved when I finally got home to our little town and collapsed on the bed. A long kind of scary day that I don't particularly want to repeat in a hurry. But still, it's nice to know that even in a scary cold bustling foreign city I can look after myself and, just like when you go through something trialling with other people you get closer, going through all this crap solo is   making me closer to myself. And the company of myself is pretty damn awesome.

Also I was given a free hot chocolate from Starbucks (where the hell was Starbucks earlier!?)
on my walk home. That was also pretty awesome.