You all smell awesome (and other weird things I learnt in the first weekend)

~The following is a very speedy list of all the most important things I have learnt within these first two days

It won't let me move this picture to the relevant section so I'll just start the post off with my delicious nutella crepe to make you jealous

1. Everyone here smells amazing.
   Okay yes, I agree that sounds really weird, especially since it made it to the top of the list, but bear with me for a moment here because I swear to God it's a truth that hits me every twenty minutes or so when I meet someone new. I think this must be one things the men of France have realised the significance of far more so than Australian men have because all the men here smell lovely, and so do the women! Everyone wears awesome perfume and it rocks. I think it's because the French quickly worked out that if they were going to greet each other by bumping faces a lot and getting nice and close then they had better make that an appealing process... which brings me to my second point...
   
   
2. It goes RIGHT cheek LEFT cheek in France you moron Lisa.
   I very rapidly learnt that yes it was true everyone kisses hello in France, and everyone means everyone. Celine! Kiss kiss Celine's boyfriend kiss kiss, Celine's parents kiss kiss, kiss kiss (phew this is exhausting). I thought okay, so this is kind of cool, it instantly makes you pretty happy. Seriously, try this for one day, you can't help but laugh and smile because it's such a happy motion. But seriously, it's a bit weird. I know I haven't written the thrilling synopsis of my first weekend yet but suffice to say I was thrown straight in the deep end, I've met a LOT of French people and been busy since the moment I stepped off the plane (hence the delayed posts I'm sorry!). So the point was, even when you meet a whole freaking group of people, like 15 people at a dinner, you kiss everyone. And this is how I quickly learnt it goes RIGHT then LEFT since I tried LEFT RIGHT every single time and had a lot of awkward moments with these poor French people who must have immediately worked out I'm not exactly French. Hopefully my silly Australian accent was charming enough to excuse my ineptitude. I'm glad I learnt this one very quickly, it's a dead give away that you aren't French if you mess this up. So remember, RIGHT then LEFT kids! :)
   
   
3.  I am going to come home a good 5kgs happier, it's inevitable. I also need to learn to eat a lot more a lot faster. Every single meal here is ridiculous! Like ridiculously awesome, but kind of ridiculous. Every meal is like a giant feast with at least three courses. Oh and I'm also permanently slightly drunk since we have wine with every meal. I was so flattered Celine's Papa likes drinking wine with me because I managed to say in French that I love red wine and prefer Cabernet Savignon and, hey, I don't need to drive over here so sure I'll have a glass haha but it is un peu bizarre (a little bit weird) but I'm enjoying it a lot. But I'm straying from the point here, the point is it is RIDICULOUS how much they eat! And they're all skinny! Okay so for example.
   
   When I arrived we had lunch:
   -Little bites of pizza
   -Scotch, wine, this weird delicious licorice tasting alcohol drink from Marseille (Don't worry I just had a glass of the licorice thingy, the men had scotch)
   -Bread with three types of cheese
   -Quiche (I thought this was the main meal...nope..."appetiser")
   -Roast rabbit with a HUGE pile of butter green beans
   -Wine
   -Sausage
   -More bread
   -Custard and sweet bread
   -Coffee
   -"Is this dinner?" "Oh no no, this is lunch. Dinner is in two hours." WHAT!?!?
   And the portions are NOT small at all. Oh and you know you have to finish it within two minutes because suddenly the next plate of things will be brought out and everyone else has finished theirs already... it's like rapid deliciousment and it's awesome but crazy
   A second example: We then went out to dinner for Celine's cousin's Birthday (ps they have an adorable version of Happy Birthday "Bon Anniversary" hehe)
   -Olives and wine
   -Giant salad
   -Filo pastry pocket stuffed with cheese and (I think) chicken? Whatever it was it was awesome, but even this was a meal on its own!
   -Pizza (oh my god, it was like a little orgasm on pizza dough. There was three types, my favourite was the eggplant one)
   -Oh you think you're full? NO! Giant plate of cabonara pasta (I did not know what to do, I seriously just could not eat it. Meanwhile everyone else has just inhaled theirs. I have a theory going that French people have little black holes in their stomachs because from my currently limited medical knowledge this should not be physically possible)
   -There was also dessert but I don't know what this was since I was actually falling asleep at the table and had to excuse myself to sleep in the car. I'll write this out properly but I was fighting my hardest, it had actually reached the point of being a physical survival thing, my body kept trying to force itself to shut down, it did NOT feel good. The food however DID feel good. :)
   -Ps in between those two meals we also had nutella crepes. I think I've already put on 2 kgs...
   
   
4. Everything here is beautiful.
   It sounds overly simple, but honestly, it's simple but utterly true. My heart can't stop sighing. This place is gorgeous, it feels like I've stepped into some sort of quaint little movie. Everything would be perfect if I was fluent in French, but c'est la vie, and it brings me to my next point...
   
   
5. Learning physically hurts. I am permanently slightly exhausted.
   Sigh, I love this, but my god I seriously am exhausted. You know when you're in exam week, studying hard and your brain actually hurts a little? Like you feel as though it's powering through all it's glucose stores and forging new pathways (which is partially true) and you can actually FEEEEEEL drained and mentally exhausted from your brain working so hard? Yeah. Try that permanently. It's extremely bizarre to have to constantly stop and work out how to construct every sentence and to also attempt to filter and translate everything people are saying to you (Ps I suck at this. See next point.) That said, I cannot believe how quickly I'm learning French. More and more frequently I'm finding I can keep a real conversation going in pure French and it's stupidly exciting for me :) I oscillate between extreme optimism being like YEAH this is the first three days! By the end of four weeks I'll totally be able to speak French! annnnd moments of realisation of the extreme complexity of this ridiculous language, just as you think you're starting to get it, it changes and has some other stupid rule that changes EVERYTHING. I have a lot of moments where I just feel too overwhelmed and feel like it's a bit hopeless. Those moments are usually when I'm tired and everyone is speaking French quickly, I don't understand and I can't think quickly enough to understand it or make up a relevant sentence in time. Of course everyone has times they want to throw their hands up and give up when they're learning, the funny thing is I don't have a choice here :P And I don't mind that. I'm hoping that as the jetlag wears off and as my French improves this feeling gets less and less. I have definitely used the French word for "exhausting" a lot though, I'm quite fond of it hehe...
   
   
6. Dear French people. I love you, but you talk way too quickly.
   This is so true I can't even begin to describe it. I adore sitting listening to people speaking French, but it's very frustrating being surrounded by gobbledigook that I wish I could understand. It makes it hard to fathom being good enough to understand it at such a speed. Thankfully a lot of the time Celine will slow down for me or will say something in English for me. The problem is I don't think I'm learning by being surrounded by this gibberish when there's no reference point in my brain for the English. Then again, one of Celine's friends, Manu (ps I love her, I'll write a short point for her next), said it's like getting into a language bath, being immersed in it you'll start to understand more and more then be able to say more and more. I hope she's right, at the moment it's a bit weird and I feel rude just sitting there smiling and being silent 90% of the time when everyone's talking. Ps- Right now my housemate/new sister/French awesome girl Celine is on the phone and is angry so she's talking tres rapidement and it sounds hilarious to me and amazing. So emphatic and melodic! I want to be able to sound like this when I'm mad (Hell I want to sound like this all the time regardless of my mood)
   
   
7. Manu; the French Lisa.
   So I just happened to find the French version of me and I love her! She's extremely lovely and happy and can speak English with an adorable French accent. I walked and chatted to her when we all went to the harbor. Half English, half French, we talked about men and she told me about her feeling of being alone but not alone, being happy with your life but not being happy, wanting to share it with someone, but not share it with just anyone for the sake of sharing it, looking for someone where it doesn't feel like you're with them just to not be alone, being in love with someone who doesn't love you enough back, not wanting to settle, wanting a guy who is a gentleman, challenging, intelligent etc etc (ps I totally described all this in French with her, it was awesome) it went on and on back and forth and was uncanny how similar we were in our story/thoughts. She was really cool and I loved chatting to her. She also taught me the French word "Celibataire" (it needs an e accent, but I don't know how to do this on my laptop) which means "single" as in no boyfriend, until now I've been saying "seule" which also works, but I like this word more. I told her it sounds like a silly bear... or celebate in English. She didn't know what that meant, I told her it means abstaining from sex... she told me they don't have a word for that in French! Haha
   
   
8. Le cafe ici est tres petite et c'est tres adorable (The coffee here is very small and so god damn adorable!)
   It's weird! Their coffee is tiny! But I'm kind of hooked on this stuff, it's so delicious!
   
   
9. Charades is an international language. It's extremely scary but extremely gratifying to realise I can functionally communicate with Celine's parents when Celine goes to work during the day (they do NOT speak English). It's a bit daunting, but I'm really stoked when my French makes it over the net and their faces light up and they nod. The problem arises mainly when they answer me at top speed in French. But I smile and nod and catch a word here and there that gives context. When neither of us know what's going on I just repeat their words with a puzzled expression and then the game of charades begins!

Is it tradition in France to put crack in your coffee?

So that's the synopsis of the things I've learnt in France so far. Up next, a short guide of how to get lost in your new French town with Lisa Allen... a terribly stupid story